Archive for parenting
Letter to my 20 Something Self: Maura
Posted by: | CommentsI was so touched when I received Maura’s letter. As you know I too have a little boy in my twenties. I cannot tell you how often it is a challenge being the youngest mom in the bunch.
I have been a little absent this week. It is our last week of summer classes. :)
Enjoy!
| Dear 20 year old Maura,
What a good mom you were to those two little boys. Although there will be a time in your future that you will be less than stellar, you rocked when they were little. Apple picking in your high heeled clogs, pumpkin picking, lazy afternoons at the beach you did them all. You didn’t have much support back then so you went out and found it by joining a mother’s group, you being the youngest mom of the bunch didn’t faze you a bit. Love yourself more, don’t be so critical of your body, you will actually come to believe in your beauty. Don’t believe the voices in your head that tell you that you are not worthy because you never completed college. You are very smart woman that will do quite all right for herself. The man you married he was not the “one” but he gave you those two little boys who are the loves of your life. You will meet the “one” who will love you unconditionally and be a wonderful step dad to those boys. He will teach you the power of family something you did not know. Addiction will get the better of you, but you will turn it around and be a power of example before it is too late. This journey will change you. Don’t run so fast, smell that salt air and spring lilacs, walk the beach more. If I could tell you one thing it is that you are worthy. Love your 41 year old self. |
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Posted by: | CommentsYesterday I wrote the shortest post I have ever written. Simply said, I’m tired.
That post was the result of three other posts still sitting in my drafts folder.
It took me three posts to finally say I’m tired.
The first two posts questioned.
They questioned my worth as a mother. They questioned by ability as a student. They questioned my confidence in my successes.
The first two posts brought everything about me into question. The first two posts tore everything about me apart.
Nothing spectacular happened yesterday. I didn’t do something crazy and rash. I didn’t forget about a test or mess something up at work. I wasn’t gone from my son all day. It was a day like any other.
It was a day with a to-do list. Places to be, things to turn in, people to hug, words to say.
It was a day of taking it step. by. step.
Yesterday, there were just too many steps.
And when I got to the end there was nothing left but self hatred, guilt, and pity.
I hated myself for not looking the right way. I hated myself for not being happy. I hated myself for not having any more energy in me.
I felt guilty for not cooking dinner, for counting down the minuets until bed time, for not wanting to play catch, for turning on the tv.
I felt pity for myself because I was tired. I was worn down.
I am so happy that I didn’t publish those posts.
Because today?
Today I feel like a rockstar.
