The night after we pulled his tooth out I heard him crying in his bed. When I asked him what was wrong his tears turned into a full on sob.

“I just want my tooth back in my mouth. I just want everything to go back to normal.”

It took all the strength in the world not to say “me too” and curl up with him and cry.

Things move too fast.

I have been thinking about going back to school. Actually, I have never stopped thinking about going back to school but I think I found a program I might actually want to do. A program that would work with my current life schedule. I am not ready to tell you what the program is but I can tell that if you thought I was crazy for getting a Philosophy degree? You are going to totally lose your mind on this one.

Last weekend I started working on my entrance essay and found myself pouring on to the page words that I didn’t know I had in me. What came out of it was a twenty-page memoir type essay about a story that I have spent the past five years trying to figure out how to tell.

I want to tell more stories.

Wednesday I wore a dress and tights and was probably over-dressed but I really didn’t care. I took the day off and instead of sitting in my office, building beautiful things and talking to myself, I went to see people! People! I decided that  people seeing required tights and a dress. Because sometimes that is just the way it is.

I really want to re-invent this blog, or maybe delete and start a new blog from scratch. Sometimes I imagine that I could be a food blogger, or a craft blogger or maybe a humor blogger. But then I realize that I would have to learn to cook, or sew, or craft. These feelings aren’t just applicable to this blog, its how I think about my life sometimes too. Maybe I can erase and start anew as a baker, or a musician that travels the country, or maybe even a celebrity. Perhaps, I could be more Paris Hilton like?

It’s not that I don’t enjoy my life, I really do. I just wish there was more consistency in being me. I wish I had a specific talent or hobby or personality trait that perfectly described me. I try to imagine if I were a character in a book who I would be, but I am pretty sure that I wouldn’t fit into a book because my character would be too messy and all over the place. A good friend of mine describes me as “un-categorically strange,” because I can’t even fit into the traditional definitions of strange. I am my own kind of weird, my own kind character and sometimes that is completely annoying.

Today I am linking up with Just Write.

On a completely unrelated note you can find me over here this week talking about what trends we are going to see in the next year. I am also over here talking about How-To get press for your blog. 

The joys of Netflix Instant Streaming has enabled this problem and has allowed me to watch every single episode of The Hills, Weeds, Roseanne, The Secret Life of an American Teenager, Switched at Birth and now Gossip Girl. In the past few weeks I have watched over 82 episodes of Gossip Girl. My friends told me that I shouldn’t admit that to anyone and here I am documenting it for all to see.

Gossip Girl has been on for a few years now so when you sit down and watch every season from start to finish you notice things you might otherwise miss.

Like what, you ask?

1. Technology has changed. A LOT. 

We all know that there is a new phone, tablet, must have tech device rolling out every other month. Everyone always wants the hot new thing but I never realized HOW fast it changed. At the beginning of the show all of the characters had LG phones (hear that? NOT smart phones) and they had to text their submissions to Gossip Girl. Keep watching and you will see that soon the characters have new phones and are able to submit pictures to Gossip Girl and by the end they have iphones and are sending Videos! Videos! For real, Chuck Bass was carrying an LG Dare?

2. Product placements on shows have gotten weird.

Because I work in the world of PR I always seem to notice the product placements in shows. In the beginning seasons of Gossip Girl there weren’t any product placements other than mentions of designers and hotels. By season four they have piles of Vitamin Water on their coffee table and Lily Humphrey/Bass/Vanderwoodsen is shopping at Gilt Groupe in an un-comfortably obvious way.

Is it just me or is that WEIRD?

3. People are so predictable

My favorite part of this show is how they scheme everyone. They can map out step-by-step how a person will react in any situation. I have a couple of friends who can TOTALLY do this and I suddenly realized how valuable this skill really is. I mean, would Blaire be marrying a prince if she didn’t know how to scheme? Would Charlie be living in a penthouse? Would Serena have a booming career? No, they wouldn’t. I want to marry a prince and live in a penthouse. My new years resolution is to learn how to scheme better. Wish me luck.

4. I want to be Chuck Bass.

No explanation needed.

5. I want to be Blaire Waldorf.

No explanation needed.

 Do you have any good Gossip Girl stories? Who is your faveorite character? Which vitamin water would you drink if you could drink any vitamin water? (See how awkward that is?)

Oh 2011, you were so bi-polar.

I considered creating a 2011 recap post with a bunch of pictures from the year. I started thumbing through Facebook to find pictures I could use and most of them looked something like this:

(last New Years Eve. Yes, those are potato chips in my hand)

And this:

(This was taken in March. I was pretending to be Marilyn Monroe–see the resemblance?)

I am really good at photo opps. Clearly.

This year Aiden and I  moved into our first house and took my first full-time job. I traveled to New York, Chicago, Nashville, Palm Springs, New Orleans and San Diego. I wrote a ton, created more powerpoints than I ever imagined possible and watched over 70 episodes of Gossip Girl. (not an easy task) I grew my own food,  got over my fear of public speaking, ate sea urchin, rode in a petty cab and survived Aiden’s first day of kindergarten. I met Drew Brees, Giuliana Rancic, Bob Harper and sat on Melissa Peterman’s lap. I welcomed old friends who came back home, I threw fits, quit speaking to people, made new friends, made up with old friends and became more demanding than I have ever been in my life.

A couple of months ago I went to Camp Mighty and attended a session that talked about intention and how we fit intention into our lives. It occurred to me that this past year I was not at all intentional with the things that I did and the way that I spent my time. I had absolutely no goals or direction other than survival. I was simply existing, wading through the days and hoping good stuff would happen. (and good stuff did happen)

When I was in college my entire  experience was centered around this larger purpose of graduating college. I had this big lofty goal and all I had to do to achieve it was meet with my guidance counselor twice a year and check courses off of a list. At the end of that list was diploma and with that diploma all of my dreams would come true. Right?

 After college there wasn’t any big lofty goal. I wasn’t the only person who spent their first year after college wading in the un-known—none of my friend’s seemed to have a center purpose for their lives either. Ok, there were a few of them who had long ago made it their goal to become President and were now sitting in the background of episodes of c-span but those are a rare breed.

I haven’t set one single goal and because of that I haven’t had any steps in place that were leading in any kind of direction.

2012 is going to be my year of intention.

My goal for 2012 is to set some goals.

I want to ask for lofty things that probably won’t happen but I can at least start building my life to move in the direction I need it to go.

What are your 2012 goals?

It usually plays out like a scene from Sweet Home Alabama. Imagine all of those small town folks heading to the city and finding themselves wandering around lost and distracted by all of the fancy things. Except instead of “small town folks” I mean just me and instead of “wandering around lost” I mean ducking into the Gap and hiding from the rain because I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE I AM AND I THOUGHT THERE WERE CABS IN THIS CITY?!

This Past week was no different.

Thursday afternoon I had the chance to meet an amazing writer from the New York Times Magazine and her daughter who happens to be an editor there as well. They are currently working on a book based on this article that I became obsessed with about a year ago.

Because of my lack of direction I quizzed my colleagues to find the best method of travel to the coffee shop and took off to find a cab.

After many failed attempts to hail a cab that was either full of people, off duty or just blatantly ignoring me I was finally able to flag one down. (In case you have a similar problem here is a helpful post)

I got in the cab and was on my way.

Except that I wasn’t really on my way at all because  traffic was stopped and by the time I got to the Deena and Deluca connected to the New York Times building I was twenty minutes late. If you know me at all you know that I am NEVER late. Ever. As you can imagine I was quite flustered and this is where the fun begins.

I quickly walked up to the glass double doors to find a sign: “Please use other door.”  So I ran around the building to another set of doors to find yet another sign: “Please use other door.”

I frantically looked around and didn’t spot any other entrance to the coffee shop.

I noticed two very fancy looking men standing outside in their business suits smoking a cigarette and decided to run up to them and frantically ask where the entrance to the coffee shop was. They looked at me quite confused and pointed to the very door I was JUST at.

“It says ‘please use other door?’” I said sounding completely annoyed.

The men look at me while simultaneously holding back their laughter: “It means the door next to it.”

Most notably I am scared of big crowds of people staring at me. Actually, if we are going to be honest here, they don’t even really have to be staring at me. If I walk into a big room full of people I will just assume they are staring at me and they must be talking about me and they must hate me and the next thing you know I am ordering a glass of wine and taking deep breaths while simultaneously hiding in the corner.

A while back I self-diagnosed myself with anxiety. I had to self-diagnose myself because once I went to the doctor to tell him how I was feeling and it went like this: “Things are going great! Life is wonderful, the sun is shining, the world is so fantastic. I love life!”

Well, not exactly that but you get the point. My doctor made me nervous so I basically made an appointment to tell him how wonderful my life is.

Why am I bringing all of this up?

A couple of weeks ago I spoke in front of a group of fifty or so people. I was PETRIFIED. Last summer I spoke at the 140 Conference in Des Moines and as soon as I walked in front of the crowd I felt panicked. I never posted about the experience because it was so terrible. I was THE worst public speaker ever. Just to show you I am going to link to the video I have never watched.

Where was I…

Oh yes, a few weeks ago I spoke in front of a crowd of fifty or so people. I was PETRIFIED. In fact, I spent the two weeks before my presentation telling everyone I know how there was no way I could get in front of these people. They were going to hate me and possibly throw tomatoes at me. Because I have good encouraging friends they kept telling me how great I was going to be and giving me tips. (except for one of them who had bets going that I was going to be in fetal position under a table)

I spent about a month practicing and imagining myself standing in front of everyone. I arrived early and spent the hour drive to the event repeating to myself everything I was great at and recalling all of the moments in my life that I felt like a total rock-star. I talked to people as they came in and learned that the crowd of people I was speaking to was SO. NICE. I did my thing and got through my presentation in the perfect amount of time. Everyone was so kind and I didn’t for a second feel panicked or consider crawling under a table and hiding. (Ok, maybe for a second but then that moment was over)

After my presentation I received three more speaking opportunities from people who were at the event. Three! Which can only mean one thing…they really liked me!

The point of this post is to face your fears.

Whatever you want to do that you are to scared to do? I am giving you permission to do it. Go. What is the worst that could happen?

Also? my dear friend and mentor Alli posted about mentoring me over at Babble.

Needless to say I threw a fit about how much meat we put into our big holiday meals and stomped my foot as my family rolled their eyes. It wasn’t all bad—I now have a perfect example of how much meat Americans eat every time one of my friends asks why I don’t eat meat.

Anyways I thought I would make a list of the things vegetarians can do for Thanksgiving.

1.       Have a sense of humor.

This year I am hosting Thanksgiving at my house which of course led me to demand we don’t have a turkey. I started emailing my entire family videos of turkeys being tortured to support my point. Some people thought that this was mean/super weird but I thought it was funny. I believe that your family should feel as terrible as you do when you stare at your plate of mashed potatoes and rolls because THOSE ARE THE ONLY TWO THINGS WITHOUT MEAT IN THEM.  My family happens to have a sense of humor and responded to my emails with pictures like this:

2.       Make something delicious

There are SO many delicious not meat-y things you can make for thanksgiving. How do I know? The internet told me! Look at this delicious quiche, and this alternative to fried turkey and this list of DELICIOUS wonderful meals.  However, you will probably have to cook all of these things yourself because your family will be wrapped up in turkey frying.

 3.       Support your cause with childrens books

This was a total wonderful accident that the universe threw at me. Aiden brought home this Thanksgiving book and was begging me to read it. I opened it up assuming I was going to read something  about pilgrims and how delicious turkeys are but I was willing to be a good sport. What I found was a story about some turkeys that escaped the turkey farm, came back to save the chickens and the farmer was so happy they had pizza for thanksgiving dinner. They saved the turkeys! Turns out there are a whole lot of thanksgiving books that support not eating a turkey. Win!

4.       Think about how the teenagers feel

As I was doing some “research” for this post I found this article about how to survive Thanksgiving as a teenager. If you think Thanksgiving is hard for vegetarians you clearly have never had to survive a Thanksgiving as a teenager. Lucky for you, I am pretty sure some of the advice in this article can help vegetarians survive Thanksgiving as well. Perfect example?  “When you’re getting dressed for dinner, skip the heels and tights and put on something comfortable. After dessert, you’ll be happy you did. And don’t worry what people think of your outfit – your family’s a far cry from the fashion police” Take that turkey people!

However you celebrate–Have a Happy Thanksgiving friends!

I have wanted to find a way to illustrate why I don’t date and why I am not thinking about marriage right now and this instant message conversation with a good friend is a PERFECT example.

Katie: Where did u want to go tonight?

Cassie Boorn:  Anywhere.  I’m flexible. Not picky.

Katie: I had fun that night we went to colony. [Colony is a local bar] Not saying we have to go there..

Cassie Boorn:  Yeah..that was a BLAST

Katie: Were u being sarcastic about having a blast that night? I’m assuming yes. We got free drinks all night.  I see nothing unfun about that

Cassie Boorn: and you tried to convince me a man with a tatoo of an apple on his arm was my SOULMATE

Katie: hahaha he could have been

Side note:This man didn’t just have an apple tattoo but an apple tattoo he got at a home tattoo party/funeral.

As long as this is the field I get to play I think I will sit out of the game.

As a child we would rush off in the middle of the night on our adventures. Pack everything in the car and drive across the country to visit family, see the beach or to just GO. My mom had a pick-up truck without a radio (can you imagine?) so we placed a boom box (remember those?) in between our seats. We would play country music and watch the scenery pass by. We were cell-phone less and navigation system-less but adventures are what we had.

Sometimes I forget to stop and remember. As time goes on I become more and more immune to the magic in everydayness.  Five year old Cassie would have exploded with joy at the thought of HAVING. HER. OWN. HOUSE. Sixteen year old Cassie could not have imagined the excitement ahead and eighteen year old Cassie would have killed to fly to New Orleans for the day.

So here is my challenge for you….

Pause.

Look around.

Imagine the magic five year old you would have found in your life.

I made a pledge to write a new blog post every single day. Last week was a success but yesterday…I had no words.

I really tried to pull a story out of my day. I tried crafting a poem about raising boys. I tried to tell you a story about this man we hired to speak at our college. He  founded this huge movement to help feed the homeless and he stood up in front of fifty awe struck students talking about all of the times he was arrested.  (it’s an amazing story) I wanted to tell you about the car pool line and Britney Spears and my realization that the two might not be a great mix.

But alas I couldn’t get the words out, so I stared at the television and ate peaches.

The night before last I wrote two letters. While I do send cards a lot I very rarely write letters. Everytime I think about writing a letter I imagine my hand falling off from the weight of the pencil. Dramatic much?

I wrote to two friends who are far far away and wondered if I would ever send the letters. Words seem to come out easier than I’d like when I am using a pen and soon all of these words and feelings and thoughts are strung across the page and their is no delete button. There is no “File-New” selection.

There is just a page full of words you never meant to let out.

Linking up with Just Write. You should too.