Cassie Boorn » parenting

Letter to my 20 Something Self: Maura

cassie — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 12:14:26 +0000

I was so touched when I received Maura’s letter. As you know I too have a little boy in my twenties. I cannot tell you how often it is a challenge being the youngest mom in the bunch.

I have been a little absent this week. It is our last week of summer classes. :)

Enjoy!

Dear 20 year old Maura,

What a good mom you were to those two little boys. Although there will be a time in your future that you will be less than stellar, you rocked when they were little. Apple picking in your high heeled clogs, pumpkin picking, lazy afternoons at the beach you did them all. You didn’t have much support back then so you went out and found it by joining a mother’s group, you being the youngest mom of the bunch didn’t faze you a bit.

Love yourself more, don’t be so critical of your body, you will actually come to believe in your beauty. Don’t believe the voices in your head that tell you that you are not worthy because you never completed college. You are very smart woman that will do quite all right for herself.

The man you married he was not the “one” but he gave you those two little boys who are the loves of your life. You will meet the “one” who will love you unconditionally and be a wonderful step dad to those boys. He will teach you the power of family something you did not know.

Addiction will get the better of you, but you will turn it around and be a power of example before it is too late. This journey will change you.

Don’t run so fast, smell that salt air and spring lilacs, walk the beach more.

If I could tell you one thing it is that you are worthy.

Love your 41 year old self.

(no-title)

cassie — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 04:55:53 +0000

Yesterday I wrote the shortest post I have ever written. Simply said, I’m tired.

That post was the result of three other posts still sitting in my drafts folder.

It took me three posts to finally say I’m tired.

The first two posts questioned.

They questioned my worth as a mother. They questioned by ability as a student. They questioned my confidence in my successes.

The first two posts brought everything about me into question. The first two posts tore everything about me apart.

Nothing spectacular happened yesterday. I didn’t do something crazy and rash. I didn’t forget about a test or mess something up at work. I wasn’t gone from my son all day. It was a day like any other.

It was a day with a to-do list. Places to be, things to turn in, people to hug, words to say.

It was a day of taking it step. by. step.

Yesterday, there were just too many steps.

And when I got to the end there was nothing left but self hatred, guilt, and pity.

I hated myself for not looking the right way. I hated myself for not being happy. I hated myself for not having any more energy in me.

I felt guilty for not cooking dinner, for counting down the minuets until bed time, for not wanting to play catch, for turning on the tv.

I felt pity for myself because I was tired. I was worn down.

I am so happy that I didn’t publish those posts.

Because today?

Today I feel like a rockstar.

Small Spaces and Happy Faces

cassie — Thu, 13 May 2010 03:50:53 +0000

When I was pregnant with Aiden I nested to an extreme. I painted the walls and bought furniture. My towels matched and his nursery was planned out. I will never say that I am super domestic. I am not. However, I didn’t want to bring him into a house. I wanted him to have a home. That home is where we stayed for three years of our lives.

In September we had to move.

I have always resisted change. Actually, I have always been petrified of change..if we are being honest here.

We moved into an apartment with white walls. An apartment with only one bedroom. An apartment with carpet that would make any designer cringe.

I was scared and heartbroken. I was sure that I was a bad mother. I was sure there wasn’t enough room. Where would our stuff go? Where would the pictures and knick knacks I had collected go? How could this be a home?

It couldn’t. It was and is just a house.

I feel no attachment to it. And if you walked in here today it looks much like a college dorm. The furniture doesn’t match. There are posters hanging slanted on the walls.

But that is ok.

Because we are here. And this small space has reminded me to cuddle more. This little apartment reminded me that life isn’t a smooth ride. That not every house is a home. That things change and sometimes you just have to roll with the punches. Because, we won’t be here (in this house) forever.

But we will be a family forever.

And that is what matters.

Not the knick knacks and the photos. Not the extra space and the big yard.

Family.

Aiden and I.

That matters.

The Silence.

cassie — Thu, 06 May 2010 13:40:23 +0000

The hardest thing about shared parenting is the silence. A mother never gets used to the silence.

One minute the house is filled with noise and you have a child whining.

“mom…mom…mom…MOMMMMM”

He is running through the house. Making a mess. Driving me CRAZY.

But the next thing you know there is a knock on the door. A rush to get shoes on and give kisses and hugs. It is a very hustle bustle moment.

And, then the door shuts.

And that first moment when you are standing there in the middle of your living room and it is completely silent. and you think….”What now?”

That never gets easier.

I love my life. I love that Aiden gets the best of both worlds. I would not change it if I could. But the silence…oh the silence…

The Innocence Of Childhood

cassie — Wed, 05 May 2010 01:46:07 +0000

“If a child is to keep alive his inborn sense of wonder without any such gift from the fairies, he needs the companionship of at least one adult who can share it, rediscovering with him the joy, excitement and mystery of the world we live in. Parents often have a sense of inadequacy when confronted on the one hand with the eager sensitive mind of a child and on the other hand with a world of complex physical nature, in habited by a life so various and unfamiliar that it seems hopeless to reduce it to order and knowledge. In a mood of self-defeat, they exclaim, “how can I possibly teach my child about nature–why, I don’t even know one bird from another.”

“I sincerely believe that for the child, and for the parent seeking to guide him, it is not half so important to know as to feel. If facts are the seeds that later produce knowledge and wisdom, then the emotions and the impressions of the senses are the fertile soil in which the seeds must grow. The years of early childhood are the time to prepare the soil. Once the emotions have been aroused-a sense of the beautiful, the excitement of the new and the unknown, a feeling of sympathy, pity,admirations or love–then we wish for knowledge about the object of our emotional response, once found, it has lasting meaning. It is more important to pave the way for the child to want to know than to put him on a diet of facts he is not ready to assimilate.”

-Rachel Carson (I found here)

Friday Night Fun

cassie — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 01:22:26 +0000

I became a mother very young. I remember holding my newborn and watching my friends get ready to go out for the night. I remember them putting on their makeup and dolling themselves up with makeup while I dreamed of the day I could shower again.

At some point in the past years things have changed. I no longer watched my friends being young in envy. I became content in the security and love that filled my life.

It is Friday night. I am sure many of my friends are getting ready to head out on the town. Do you know where I am?

I am baking cookies with a pretty happy little boy.

and there is nothing you could say to convince me that being young and wild is better than this.

This is the best Friday night I have had in a long time.

And chocolate chip cookies are the perfect ending to a day stuck in bed with the flu.

The Time Is Now.

cassie — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 04:52:52 +0000

Sometimes I wish I was that mother that could take the perfect photograph.

I wish I could bake a perfect pie or cook a perfect meal.

I wish I wore aprons and my house was spic and span.

But I am not.

I clean when forced.

I cook and then re-cook (because often I make mistakes)

I cannot take a perfect photograph. I am not crafty or domestic. I don’t wear aprons and my patience wears.

but that is ok.

I sit indian style and play games on the floor.

I read stories full of voice, animations, and sometimes a few dance moves.

I draw on the chalkboard and practice his letters with him.

Sometimes we laugh so hard we cannot breathe.

He falls into me and we cuddle until he tires.

I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Not for a clean house. Not for a million photographs.

Love what you have to offer.

Embrace the time that is now.

Vacations, Friends, and Snow

cassie — Sun, 10 Jan 2010 17:50:42 +0000

Where have I been the last week?

Well, that is a good question! While I have been setting goals and making plans to start my 52 Weeks to Fabulous.

On another note…my friends have been home. Flying across country from California they were more than shocked my the change in weather.

So we have been hanging out…

and seeing “sights” I never knew exsisted…

and since one of these boys had never seen snow before…Aiden got quite the treat!

I say this is a treat because quite honestly I cringe when I am forced to walk outside. and playing in the snow? yeah…doesn’t exactly happen.

Hope your week is going fabulous! More on my 52 to Fabulous journey tomorrow.

2009.

cassie — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 07:19:03 +0000

Happy New Year.

2009 from Cassie Boorn on Vimeo.

Merry Christmas To All And All A Goodnight

cassie — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 19:40:53 +0000

As the day gets busy with hustle and bustle let us slow down and remember the reason for this day.

Loving Father, Help us remember the birth of Jesus,

that we may share in the song of the angels,
the gladness of the shepherds,
and worship of the wise men.

Close the door of hate and open the door of love all over the world. Let kindness come with every gift and good desires with every greeting. Deliver us from evil by the blessing which Christ brings, and teach us to be merry with clear hearts.

May the Christmas morning make us happy to be thy children, and Christmas evening bring us to our beds with grateful thoughts, forgiving and forgiven, for Jesus’ sake. Amen.