The night after we pulled his tooth out I heard him crying in his bed. When I asked him what was wrong his tears turned into a full on sob.

“I just want my tooth back in my mouth. I just want everything to go back to normal.”

It took all the strength in the world not to say “me too” and curl up with him and cry.

Things move too fast.

I have been thinking about going back to school. Actually, I have never stopped thinking about going back to school but I think I found a program I might actually want to do. A program that would work with my current life schedule. I am not ready to tell you what the program is but I can tell that if you thought I was crazy for getting a Philosophy degree? You are going to totally lose your mind on this one.

Last weekend I started working on my entrance essay and found myself pouring on to the page words that I didn’t know I had in me. What came out of it was a twenty-page memoir type essay about a story that I have spent the past five years trying to figure out how to tell.

I want to tell more stories.

Wednesday I wore a dress and tights and was probably over-dressed but I really didn’t care. I took the day off and instead of sitting in my office, building beautiful things and talking to myself, I went to see people! People! I decided that  people seeing required tights and a dress. Because sometimes that is just the way it is.

I really want to re-invent this blog, or maybe delete and start a new blog from scratch. Sometimes I imagine that I could be a food blogger, or a craft blogger or maybe a humor blogger. But then I realize that I would have to learn to cook, or sew, or craft. These feelings aren’t just applicable to this blog, its how I think about my life sometimes too. Maybe I can erase and start anew as a baker, or a musician that travels the country, or maybe even a celebrity. Perhaps, I could be more Paris Hilton like?

It’s not that I don’t enjoy my life, I really do. I just wish there was more consistency in being me. I wish I had a specific talent or hobby or personality trait that perfectly described me. I try to imagine if I were a character in a book who I would be, but I am pretty sure that I wouldn’t fit into a book because my character would be too messy and all over the place. A good friend of mine describes me as “un-categorically strange,” because I can’t even fit into the traditional definitions of strange. I am my own kind of weird, my own kind character and sometimes that is completely annoying.

Today I am linking up with Just Write.

On a completely unrelated note you can find me over here this week talking about what trends we are going to see in the next year. I am also over here talking about How-To get press for your blog. 

I was standing in a crowd of hippie-type folk and needed to go back while everyone moved forward.

I needed to find my friends.

One by one people moved sideways, set their bags down and helped me search for the people I had lost.

They took time to help. They showed patience among chaos and my heart filled up with happy.

Not one person rolled their eyes or grabbed each others hands to prevent me from squeezing through. Not one person even sighed out of annoyance that I was trying to get through this impossibly tight crowd.

Yesterday Stephanie asked what inspired us and the only thing I could think of was that moment.

It reminded me of how hard it is to stop and listen to what people need. How annoyed I get when people are moving in the opposite direction than I want them do. How much being present matters. How important it is to love strangers and practice peace.

Life moves fast and to-do lists grow and disappear and days turn to nights and the world keeps moving. It is hard to remember to slow down to set the to-do list aside and listen.

What inspires me?

Staring a stranger in the eyes and smiling. Holding a door open for someone who doesn’t need it. Watching strangers at a four way stop wave to each other to go first–making decisions and compromising with people you will never speak words to.

What inspires me?

Children telling stories. Music turned up loud. The fall air swaddling you into your blankets. Football games and twirling into the night.

Moments of silence and moments of laughter that can be heard from miles away.

What inspires you?

He was making a wave pool.

Running in circles faster and faster. Each time around the pool he was giggling a little harder and I was covered in a little more water.

I was trying to read my book and the sun was in my eyes. There was a bug crawling a little to close to my glass of water and I couldn’t get my clothes wet because I had to coach t-ball in a couple of hours.

Suddenly, I am telling him to stop running. Quit splashing. I DON’T WANT TO GET WET.

And then I looked up and he was sitting there in the pool with the biggest smile on his face as the waves moved around him slowly.

Suddenly it hit me.

This isn’t going to be forever.

He won’t always be this small. Making waves in his inflatable pool wont always be the highlight of his day.

I will be sitting outside wondering where the squealing child went and why my book is so dry.

And I smiled back at him and told him to keep going.

Make the waves.

I don’t know why it takes these moments to remind me of how fast childhood passes.

“I was underneath a bunch of stuff that I’m throwing off, purging left and right and while I was running the other day it was like I saw it all happening, and I passed this bench and envisioned the old me, sitting there and I kept running and it was like, I’m leaving her behind. And it made me so happy.” -Stephanie Precourt

I have been struggling though. It is not as easy as throwing the stuff off and running on. There are things that you don’t want to throw off. Parts of your life you are left clinging to. It is like running a marathon with a backpack on. You know that taking it off would allow you to run faster. It would allow freedom. It would relieve pain. But what if you need your backpack? What if you hold twenty years of memories within that backpack? What if the fear of taking that backpack off is so encompassing that you just keep running backpack and all. I feel a little stuck….

Speaking of running we have a beautiful letter from Marisa.

Dear 20-something Marisa,

Hiya!  Here I am, on the other side of our dramatic twenties, and there you are, trying valiantly to avoid any kind of drama.  You can’t.  It’s okay.  Drama is part of life; accept and deal rather than trying to avoid.

While we’re on the subject, stop running from the hard stuff.  It will eventually catch up with you and the longer you wait, the harder it will be to find the person you’ve been all along.  When you’re scared, turn and run into the fear rather than hiding.  It’s easier on the psyche, I swear, and you have the strength to rise to the occasion.

When you do something wrong, apologize immediately.  And stop lying.  Yes, cold turkey.  You will find freedom and peace in not lying, even when the truth is really tough.  You are strong enough to handle it.

Be kind to the people who love you.  It’s not their fault you’re not quite grown-up yet.  Sure, being alone and discovering you’re pretty capable of, well, anything is going to be really amazing for you, but you can do that with anyone.  You’re you no matter who you’re around (or at least, you can be).

When you find people who love you, don’t overdo the gratitude.  You’ll make a friend who will give you the kind of advice you’ll always remember (“If you feel like you’re too much for your people, you need to find new people.” “The quickest way through the hard stuff is just that — through.  The sooner you get started, the more quickly you’ll get through.” “You’re awesome, Mari, just the way you are.”) and seem like he can see your soul.  Set your boundaries quickly and make sure they’re this side of acceptable.

Yes, you are doing a fantastic job managing your career.  Thank you for that.  Keep taking big leaps of faith; soon you’ll get to work for that company you admire.  It will be just as wonderful as you  imagined.

Last thing: believe.  Believe in yourself, believe in the goodness of people, believe that your people love you.  You can’t find peace by changing your life; it will come when you grow up, and you will.  And even if you screw up (and you will), you’ll get some fantastic second chances. We’re doing really well in our thirties!

With much love and great pride,

Marisa

She does.

I was ecstatic when Jessica told me that she would write a letter for me. Jessica is that friend that every young women needs. The friend that will give you a hug and an understanding nod when needed but a kick in the butt when it is called for. She will cheer you on and set you straight all at the same time.  In the short time that I have known her she has helped shape the person that I am today. From the way that I parent to the way that I approach the world. She has shaped my writing and my grammar and my belief in myself.

She is wicked smart and one of the strongest women that I know. She stands up for what she believes without taking herself too seriously. A talent that few have.

When I am her age I hope to have half of the strength and confidence that fills this woman.

A letter from Jessica Gottlieb:

Jessica,

You made the right decision with school. Keep working hard, and don’t take out any loans. I know it’s hard right now, but graduating without debt will jumpstart you. Skip the kinesiology and just get a degree in recreation, you’re going to hate teaching. You’re also never really going to need that degree for anything except admittance into your Master’s, so don’t sweat it.

Keep cycling. Cycling and camping will be the highlight of your twenties, only be more careful when you pick a place to pee. It’s really hard to deal with poison ivy when you’re camping.

Spend more time naked. I know you feel like you’re not perfect, but you never will be, and things will never be better than this. Enjoy your freedom, you’ll be having babies in a few short years, and the first years you’re living on an island.

You’re going to start a wildly successful business with a $500 prepaid visa card. You’re also going to watch it tank in a recession, get out early, it’s just a business, it’s not your identity.

You see the world a little differently than everyone else. I still don’t know why, but twenty years later I’ve stopped trying to answer that question. Be yourself, you’re weird, and you’re going to get weirder. It’s okay. No one cares enough to make a difference.

Oh also, you’re going to meet a really nice guy who is going to take you helicopter skiing, and send you mountains of flowers. He is bad news. Trust your instincts. You’re going to marry a poor man, and you’re going to be madly in love fifteen years later. Building something  side by side with a good man is infinitely better than being given everything by a not so good man.

Pick a few close friends, demand loyalty, and give more than you take.

Ask forgiveness and not permission.

With love,
Your Forty Year Old Self

Photo from Here

In starting this project I was in hope of finding the secret of life success.  I was expecting letters full of advice for getting ahead in your career. Advice on finding “the one” and how to make it big.

I found none of that

What I have found…is so much more.

None of you are talking about the extra work you should have done. You are not wishing you had partied a little less or concentrated on your career a little more. Instead, I am finding quite the opposite. You are wishing you loved yourself a little deeper. You are wishing that you had a little more fun. You are wishing you took a few more risks and were a tad more playful. You are wishing you reveled in yourself and worried less.

I am twenty-two and let me tell you..it is hard to revel in yourself. It is hard not to worry that you are making a mistake that might ruin your life. It is hard wondering how it is all going to turn out.

In every letter that I read I find that you are saying “It is all going to turn out ok.” and I feel as though you are speaking to me.

Thank you.

A letter from Kristen:

Dear Kristen at 20,

That guy you’re infatuated with?  He’s got a physical type that you’ll never resemble, so just let it go.  When you come back from foreign study, he’ll be dating your band-mate anyway.  Also, he loves cats.

When you’re studying in a foreign country, try and live it up more.  I’m proud you got a 3.8 GPA, but you’re 20 and it’s Mexico. It’s okay to go clubbing once in a while.

I’m not going to tell you to stop smoking — it’s new to you, you won’t listen to me anyway, and you’ll be done with them by 30 — but look into Crest White Strips.  It’ll save you a few hours of Zoom tooth whitening agony later on.

Senior year of college, you’ll obsess over another guy and end up dating him for five years. Five years is probably too long.  I’m not saying don’t date him, but I am saying, don’t let his extreme frugality and fear of the world rub off on you.  In your 20s, money and security are less important than fun.

Corporate recruiting?  Skip it and go out to breakfast. The one interview you go on depresses you. After graduation, you’ll be a paid intern for a video documentary series in North Carolina. Doesn’t that sound nice?

When you’re 23, you’ll have the opportunity to share a rented house in the woods with a roommate. You’ll want to turn it down because the dirt driveway is long and your compact car gets stuck in the mud on your way out of the appointment.  Take the apartment. It borders state park land and loads of hiking and skiing trails. Living there will probably change your life.  You can always change your mind and break your lease if you don’t like it.  You’ve got nothing to lose; if you don’t take it, you’ll live in your mom’s house for too long, all in the name of saving money.

When you leave your first real job, take the money you saved and go back to Mexico for a few months. Write that novel or collection of short stories.  Travel.  Do the things you didn’t do when you were a grade grubbing student.

When you come back, move to New York.  Take whatever job you need to take to make it happen. Taking the train in and crashing on friends’ floors in Brooklyn is good for the soul, maybe, but bad for the back.

Have fun. Take chances. Be kind. Don’t worry about what others think. Your 20s are for you. Enjoy them. And stop taking everything so seriously!

Love,

Kristen at 36

Also, I entered this giveaway over at The Run Amuck. She is giving away a fabulous book. I wanted to share the giveaway with you because I love The Run Amuck and I love books. Enjoy!

So many stories filled with wisdom.

So many tips for surviving your twenties.

Again and again I have been told that I am an “old soul.” This I cannot deny.

I sift through life a bit differently than my peers. I have seen more things than most my age.

But still?

These letters are teaching me more than I imagined.

They are teaching me to cherish. To Love. And To Believe.

Throughout the past two weeks I have found myself trying to soak up moments that would have otherwise went unnoticed.

I am looking at my world a bit differently these days. I see a moment and I feel it in my heart.

THUD

This moment won’t last forever.

THUD

Aiden staring up at a tall building and feeling so very small.

THUD.

Huddling close with friends after a night of dancing.

THUD

The first swim of the summer.

THUD.

The realization that he won’t be four forever.

THUD.

The realization that I won’t be twenty-two forever.

THUD.

One day not far from now my friends will be married. They will have babies and families. They may have careers and homes. Aiden will be older and so will I. My life will be nothing like it is now. Everything is changing. Everything is in motion. Your twenties is a process. An adventure. A time for learning.

But thanks to your letters.

Thanks to your beautiful stories.

I believe that it is going to turn out ok.

Maybe even better than I could imagine.

Dear 40 year old Cassie,

I think about you often. I wonder where you are in your life, who you are with, and what you are doing.

And as it is our nature I worry. I worry that you aren’t happy. I worry that you aren’t where I imagine you to be. And often, I worry that you are. I worry that you are lonely. I worry that you don’t take care of yourself. I worry that you settled.

I know that we tend to hold on to the past but I ask you please don’t play the “should have” “would have” games.  Trust me, you did everything you thought was right. You did your best. I can assure you, because right now? I am doing the best that I can.

Please, don’t think back to the “good old times,” and reminisce of life in your 20’s. You know things now. You are sure about things now. The only thing I am sure about? Well, I am not even sure that I am sure about anything. It is scary. Your 20’s are scary. I am a little bit scared.

Now that we got all of that out of the way. Let’s talk about your 40’s. You better be traveling. I know, you probably are working really hard. You probably don’t have the time. You may even have a family. But seriously? We promised our self we would travel to Bali, and Greece. We talked about Italy and France and even fantasized about Australia. Get. Moving.

Don’t give up your passions. Don’t write me off as young and naïve. I know I am a little crazy. My ideas are big. But that is ok, so is the world. So just keep slaving away. Talk to everyone you meet. Share your ideas and your passions. Don’t let them gather dust. And for the love of God don’t become trapped in everyday routine

I hope that you are happy. I hope that you achieved your dreams. I hope that Aiden is doing well as a 24 year old man. (holy cow!) I hope that everything came around full circle and that you notice the small things in life.

I also hope the government didn’t l censor technology and take this letter away from you. (Again, I worry)

P.S. I apologize for killing your chance of having a metabolism. Yo-Yo dieting was the thing to do. And the tanning beds?  Sorry about that too. And the tattoo we sport? Just roll with it…

I hope you are well.

Love Always,

The 22 year-old you.