Archive for life lessons
Letter to my 20 something self: Marisa
Posted by: | CommentsI have been feeling some changes going on within me for quite some time now. A good friend of mine took my feelings and turned them into words. As she often does.
“I was underneath a bunch of stuff that I’m throwing off, purging left and right and while I was running the other day it was like I saw it all happening, and I passed this bench and envisioned the old me, sitting there and I kept running and it was like, I’m leaving her behind. And it made me so happy.” -Stephanie Precourt
I have been struggling though. It is not as easy as throwing the stuff off and running on. There are things that you don’t want to throw off. Parts of your life you are left clinging to. It is like running a marathon with a backpack on. You know that taking it off would allow you to run faster. It would allow freedom. It would relieve pain. But what if you need your backpack? What if you hold twenty years of memories within that backpack? What if the fear of taking that backpack off is so encompassing that you just keep running backpack and all. I feel a little stuck….
Speaking of running we have a beautiful letter from Marisa.
Dear 20-something Marisa,
Hiya! Here I am, on the other side of our dramatic twenties, and there you are, trying valiantly to avoid any kind of drama. You can’t. It’s okay. Drama is part of life; accept and deal rather than trying to avoid.
While we’re on the subject, stop running from the hard stuff. It will eventually catch up with you and the longer you wait, the harder it will be to find the person you’ve been all along. When you’re scared, turn and run into the fear rather than hiding. It’s easier on the psyche, I swear, and you have the strength to rise to the occasion.
When you do something wrong, apologize immediately. And stop lying. Yes, cold turkey. You will find freedom and peace in not lying, even when the truth is really tough. You are strong enough to handle it.
Be kind to the people who love you. It’s not their fault you’re not quite grown-up yet. Sure, being alone and discovering you’re pretty capable of, well, anything is going to be really amazing for you, but you can do that with anyone. You’re you no matter who you’re around (or at least, you can be).
When you find people who love you, don’t overdo the gratitude. You’ll make a friend who will give you the kind of advice you’ll always remember (“If you feel like you’re too much for your people, you need to find new people.” “The quickest way through the hard stuff is just that — through. The sooner you get started, the more quickly you’ll get through.” “You’re awesome, Mari, just the way you are.”) and seem like he can see your soul. Set your boundaries quickly and make sure they’re this side of acceptable.
Yes, you are doing a fantastic job managing your career. Thank you for that. Keep taking big leaps of faith; soon you’ll get to work for that company you admire. It will be just as wonderful as you imagined.
Last thing: believe. Believe in yourself, believe in the goodness of people, believe that your people love you. You can’t find peace by changing your life; it will come when you grow up, and you will. And even if you screw up (and you will), you’ll get some fantastic second chances. We’re doing really well in our thirties!
With much love and great pride,
Marisa
Jessica Gottlieb: A Letter To 20 Something self
Posted by: | CommentsLast fall I had the pleasure of having dinner with Jessica and her family. She is completely right in saying that she sees the world differently than everyone around her.
She does.
I was ecstatic when Jessica told me that she would write a letter for me. Jessica is that friend that every young women needs. The friend that will give you a hug and an understanding nod when needed but a kick in the butt when it is called for. She will cheer you on and set you straight all at the same time. In the short time that I have known her she has helped shape the person that I am today. From the way that I parent to the way that I approach the world. She has shaped my writing and my grammar and my belief in myself.
She is wicked smart and one of the strongest women that I know. She stands up for what she believes without taking herself too seriously. A talent that few have.
When I am her age I hope to have half of the strength and confidence that fills this woman.
A letter from Jessica Gottlieb:
Jessica,
You made the right decision with school. Keep working hard, and don’t take out any loans. I know it’s hard right now, but graduating without debt will jumpstart you. Skip the kinesiology and just get a degree in recreation, you’re going to hate teaching. You’re also never really going to need that degree for anything except admittance into your Master’s, so don’t sweat it.
Keep cycling. Cycling and camping will be the highlight of your twenties, only be more careful when you pick a place to pee. It’s really hard to deal with poison ivy when you’re camping.
Spend more time naked. I know you feel like you’re not perfect, but you never will be, and things will never be better than this. Enjoy your freedom, you’ll be having babies in a few short years, and the first years you’re living on an island.
You’re going to start a wildly successful business with a $500 prepaid visa card. You’re also going to watch it tank in a recession, get out early, it’s just a business, it’s not your identity.
You see the world a little differently than everyone else. I still don’t know why, but twenty years later I’ve stopped trying to answer that question. Be yourself, you’re weird, and you’re going to get weirder. It’s okay. No one cares enough to make a difference.
Oh also, you’re going to meet a really nice guy who is going to take you helicopter skiing, and send you mountains of flowers. He is bad news. Trust your instincts. You’re going to marry a poor man, and you’re going to be madly in love fifteen years later. Building something side by side with a good man is infinitely better than being given everything by a not so good man.
Pick a few close friends, demand loyalty, and give more than you take.
Ask forgiveness and not permission.
With love,
Your Forty Year Old Self
