Archive for college
Graduation.
Posted by: | CommentsI was eleven years old, sitting in my mothers truck. She was shutting off the lights, turning the signs, and locking the door for the very last time. We were getting ready to drive away from the restaurant she poured herself into for the past three years. Driving away from the dream she held on to so tightly. The dream of owning her own business. Leaving behind the resentment I had for that place. The business that sucked the child out of my childhood.
I remember picturing in my mind a page turning, a chapter ending.
Yes, I just turned my childhood into a country song.
Sigh.
The point is I remember endings in my life. I don’t remember the beginnings. I am not sure exactly what happened next. Beginnings are hazy and middles are boring…
But ends?
Ends I memorize. The feeling of an end. The motions of an end. The nostalgia of an end. I trace my fingers along the lines as they close. I turn the page slowly listening to the sound of the paper creasing. Whether endings are good or bad, they are hard for me.
Did I mention I am graduating college on Saturday?
This is a time of celebration. A time of relief. I can feel the stress beginning to roll off of my shoulders.
I have made it.
I have made it.
Still, I can’t help but seeing this as a goodbye.
Life is Happening.
Posted by: | CommentsLife has taken over. Life has taken over and it is a little refreshing.
School started last week. I spend my afternoons learning to folk dance, studying American Philosophy, and Philosophy of Religion, and trying to figure out what Philosophical topic I will dive into for twenty pages.
Twenty. Pages.
Aiden started a new school. It is very structured and regular. He brings his back pack and does really grown up things like show and tell. He is turning into a little child. He is having problems listening. Which I think is supposed to make me worry. But it doesn’t. It makes my heart well up knowing that my child is more like me than I ever imagined. I never listened.
Shoot, I still don’t listen.
I have been reading alot of blogs and sitting home and pondering on ideas that are impossible to answer.
Pondering on ideas that are nearly impossible to think or speak. Ideas that go somewhat like:
We have a tendency to not enjoy that there are incredibly wealthy people in the world. Is this because we are jealous? or Is this because we know that the happiness they are seeking are only mere pleasures? As humans do we have a innate desire for happiness throughout humanity that is expressed in problematic ways.
I am not even sure that thought made sense. But it was running around in my brain all day yesterday so I thought I would throw it out there.
Last night I met up with my peace and justice group from school. We hadn’t met all summer and made plans for the coming year. Lots of exciting ideas and trips floating around. We went downtown and listened to jazz and drank draft beer from large mugs. I was with my people.
We all need our people.
So there it is. My modge podge of stories. Reasons why I wasn’t here. Life is happening. And I am going to let it.
