Archive for September, 2010
Day Two-Love
Posted by: | CommentsIt took me a long time to come to a place where I could say that I loved things about myself without cringing. In the past year or so I have found that there are some things about me that are pretty amazing.
I love the way that my mind works.
When I listen to conversations my mind takes pieces and parts. It holds on to them and they creep up and grip my attention until I can work them out in my head. I watch the way that other people take part in conversations. They listen and the words flow into their mind. They speak their thoughts and the words run out. I am not the same.
I will listen to your words. I might even voice back a response. But until I have time to sit with them and let them foster. Work them out in my head talking in circles aloud to myself I won’t be able to tell you my real thoughts.
This would drive some people crazy. The inability to shut it off.
But I love it. I love that I don’t just take words at face value. That my conversations with friends may last ten minuets in person but three days in my head. Moving and twisting and pulling any kinds of truth about humanity I can out of their words.
I think it is this process this will allow me to take over the world. Which as you know is my ultimate goal. :)
Day One: Hatred
Posted by: | CommentsI came across one of my blogger friends taking part in this. She began it because of her. And she began it because of him.
Did I give everyone credit now?
I spoke the other day about my problem with finding balance. In finding my voice. It may have seemed strange to some of you that my voice in my life wouldn’t simply be consistent. What you share with one you share with all? That is not exactly how I work. Actually, that is not how I work at all. I fade in and out of different modes of being. I work like a chameleon blending into the places that I find myself. It isn’t something I work to do. It is just the way that I do. And suddenly I find myself in five places at once. In front of five people at one time. And I can’t figure out how to blend.
So. I am going to stop trying. At least take a baby step. Which is why I am taking part in 30 days of truth. Will I make it all the way through? hah. We shall see…
Day One: Something I hate about myself.
I wish I could say something profound here. I wish I could tell you how I hate that I am so judgmental. But I have made peace with judging everyone (including myself) and kind of enjoy it. I wish I could say that I hate that I am so disorganized. But I really don’t hate it at all.
The most things I hate about myself tend to be superficial or physical. It usually revolves around the ways that my clothes fit (or don’t). The way that my hair looks. My make-up. My skin. My arms. My chin. My side profile.
Everything I hate about myself tends to be on the outside. The inside isn’t so bad. Which is probably why I have spent many days of my life wishing I could crawl out of my skin.
