Dear me,

I’m so young right now. So afraid. I guess time smoothes out the edges in people, and their troubles. Hopefully.

In case you’ve forgotten, you just barely managed to escape drug addiction. Thank god your drama teacher stepped in and made you break things off with Ian. Though you still love and care for him, and were completely in love with him for two years, he is a loser and has never deserved you.

I hope, even now, you follow your heart. And your gut. You’re stomach is always right, no matter what you think. And don’t be afraid. You’ve let fear keep you from rollercoasters, the dark, heights, spiders, and snakes so far. It was good to escape(most) of those, but don’t ever let shackles be put around you, because you’re scared of the unknown. That’s a weak way to live.

Don’t be too worried about love. Travel instead. Go to Italy, like we both want to right now, become an actress, see your face on screen. Travel to Greece, London, France. Grow into your skin.

You know, you will always have your steady flow of lvoe for people around you, even in your darkest days. God knows, I’m fifteen but I’ve already been torn apart completely. It gets better. Time really does heal. Or rather, friends do. But don’t ever let yourself forget that pain. It is the hurt that comes from following your heart into bad places. We all have them, dark patches in us. Don’t let yourself follow that path.

I hope you become all that we want you to be. All that you dream, hope to be. It’s a scary thought, thinking about not becoming wonderful. Don’t ever settle. don’t sell yourself short.

I love you, forever and always, I really do. Thank you for being me.

Love,

Jules

Firstly, you know what God has planned for our life. You already know that He will fulfill every promise He has made, as He is perfect like that. When you were 14, He told you that an orphanage in a little town in Mexico would be your “home away from Home.” You didn’t really get it, but you signed the contract with your soul as ink anyway. That was the best move of our life second to the one where you joined Team YHWH earlier, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Sooner or later, they will see why it was so, if they care to see that at all.

Even before 20/4/99, you have been living as though this could be your last year on Earth, yet trusting that God will get you to Mexico one of these days. Good call. But would you please stop nuking your bridges from orbit? Someday you are going to realize what those connections meant to you, and building a bridge is mighty difficult when you are dealing with radiation poisoning, and you can’t find everyone on the internet.

Let me clarify that one for you, though. Once you get closer to living in Mexico, you are going to pull apart from truly close loved ones, both of the friends and family categories. People you thought would totally be on board and supportive even of your loving of kids in Mexico are not going to be there for you, generally due to heavy doses of nationalism and racism that is poisoning them. Try to remember that as you were, they are being poisoned by a very old enemy that has been at the business of going against God before humans existed. It is not how the Creator of all nations made them to be. Anyway, you might have to leave these relationships for a spell, but leave all doors unhinged and bridges in place as much as possible, okay?

On relationships like that, the good news is that for every relationship you had to leave for your job, at least two or three have taken their place! And that is in just a few years! You know how God keeps His promises? Well, the one about replacing ten times over what His followers give up for the Kingdom is true. You will also find that your parents are going to support this weird calling in our life more than you could possibly understand. Always be grateful to them, and to God for giving you the best parents anyone could ever hope for.

Speaking of doors opening, here is another issue to deal with. In the next 5.5 years, you are going to have various friends and family come out of their closets. During that same time, a very vocal but extraordinarily small group calling themselves a church, but more like a cult, is going to say horrible, vile things about this group, and hide behind YHWH’s name and the First Amendment to do so. Trouble is, most Christians are going to want to defend the rights of the last group and deny the rights of the first, and the first is going to think you are among them. However unfortunate, this is the way humanity has (almost) always worked, but do remember to genuinely love all of them, no matter the cost, as Christ did. Advocate the human rights of all of them, as it is better to owe love than show hate.

Oh, and provided the whole space-time continuum didn’t get all torn up, at 25.5, you are single. Instead of moping around about it, keep calm and carry on. Turns out females go into your kind of work a lot more than males, and most guys start into it married anyway. Again, love all, but be ready to have an epic amount of love ready for someone crazy, I mean, awesome, enough to partner with you in this little dusty town. Whoever he is, he just might be missing out already, and you’ll have some lost time to make up with him.

Another couple things, Dory. Following Finding Nemo, you named your car “Squishy”, and it will live up to its name. Along with your driving altogether, bad idea. It’s just not your thing. Oh, and work more and harder, and save whatever money you do earn. You won’t even remember the stuff you’ll want to spend it on, and it will come in handy later.

Happy Birthday kid! Enjoy it, it just might be the last “normal” one you have. :)
Dory, version 25.5.

You’ve started something amazing. :) Even those of us who aren’t 30 yet still want to participate! Here’s mine:

http://txtingmrdarcy.wordpress.com/2010/06/19/an-inspired-idea/

Best of luck to you!

http://www.cmcfamily.com/capemaymoms/2010/07/my-letter-to-my-20-something-self/