Share Your Wisdom-Help A Young Woman
ByIn my time blogging I have met amazing women across the country. I have danced the night away with bloggers at conferences, had heart to hearts in hotel rooms, and dinner with some inspiring people. In my time blogging my life has changed, re-shaped, turned out a little differently because of these women. Thanks to these women.
They have inspired the way that I parent my child, the way that I feel about myself, the career path that I have taken, and my faith. They have shared stories and tips. They have given advice and listened as I begged for it.
Your 20′s can be a confusing time. To say the least.
A while ago I joined a group called the “20 something bloggers.” I dug through their blogs listening to stories and questions. And I realized I am not the only confused 20 year old on the planet. However, I may have aquired the best support team any 22 year old could ask for.
So, today I am asking you to share your wisdom. Tell your stories to all of the “20 something” girls out there who are walking around lost.
I am asking your to write a letter to your 20 year old self. Share the things that you questioned at 20 that you no longer questioned. Share your wisdom and advice. Give some guidance to another generation.
Since, I couldn’t figure out mister linky there are 3 options:
-Link to your letter in the comments
-Share your letter in the comments
-E-mail your letter to me and I will post it up
*There is no prize for the best letter. No contest. No prizing. This is simply a collection.
**I am leaving this up for a week. So, you have time :)
Related posts:
[...] other bloggers. They wrote to themselves in their 20s. There is a whole little collection of them over here. I thought it might be worth doing. (I really am becoming an idea thief these [...]
I hope it’s okay, but I did this just now.
Linked here too. :)
http://issascrazyworld.com/2010/07/letter-my-year-old-self/
Arizonaheart’s Letter to my 20 year old self.
Actually this letter needs to be to my 18 year old self, because, yes, you are ahead of the pack, an overachiever, in a hurry to be the first, the best, the most. SLOW DOWN, life isn’t about the place that you’re headed, it’s about the journey of getting there. Because once you get there, you WILL look back at the process and be sad that it is all over. You’re older than your years, no, that’s not true. You WANT to be older than your years, stop that! Be young, act young, enjoy your youth instead of looking forward to ‘when’.
About boys, and love: Don’t listen to Mom when she says all men want is one thing. Hear it, keep it in mind when you’re reading a guy, but don’t cement it into your belief system. And that ‘one thing’, it is a powerful meaningful magical thing when it’s done right, with the right person. Don’t do it just because it’s expected, or because everyone else did. Be in LOVE. About that love thing, it’s not what you think it is right now. You’ll learn later that it is so much more. Right now you’re thinking that love is something that you NEED to have, because your friends have someone. Don’t choose a guy because he’s so and so’s friend, don’t convince yourself that you love him just because he’s there and he wants to date you. You have a powerful tool, this attraction that is you, be selective who you let in. Stop and think before you throw that L word around. You have a tendency to convince yourself that you love someone. If you’re having sex with them, you have to love them, right? Well, don’t have sex with them, and you won’t have to worry about convincing yourself you love them. You will get all too good at convincing yourself you love someone, and you will lose decades being stuck with a person that you didn’t really love. Because a guy is relentlessly interested in you, or because he will spend money on you, because he’s going away in the Navy, none of those are reasons you should go out with them, let alone be intimate. Be sure you love someone before commitment, because if you don’t REALLY love them, every single little thing that has potential to annoy you will breed contempt and make you miserable. And when you do choose a guy, don’t change who you are to fit what they want, it leads to a false relationship. He needs to love you for what you already are, and if you need to change to make him love you, then he doesn’t deserve you and you shouldn’t want him.
About sex: No one will tell you this, or you won’t be paying enough attention, but a single second of penetration can, and will get you pregnant if the ovulation timing is right. And when you desperately want IT, the ovulation timing is right…it’s primal. So, not only for safety’s sake, but for health’s sake, be prepared, if you’re not, it will change your life forever. And learn yourself, this is important. You need to know what makes you tick.
If you choose to have a child at your young age, just remember, you need to practice patience, because you really don’t understand the concept yet. So, be easy on the child, take a break, remember kindness and patience, and be loving. It’s easy to be loving when they’re well behaved. But when children are a challenge, it will be difficult to be a loving mom, and all those things you do when you’re upset form who they become as young adults. If you think little kids having tantrums are bad, wait until you have a teenage boy who is bigger than you. Be kind to them, and be patient, and don’t stop showing them you love them, even when they push away from you. If you let that go, it’s far too difficult to get back.
About work: If you find something you absolutely love, you will love to go to work and the years will fly. That’s a difficult thing to do though. And when you do find that something, don’t let that job define who you are. Remember that to an employer, everyone is replaceable, no matter how good you think you are. Be good at what you do, but don’t think that you are disposable. Everyone is disposable.
About Friends: Not everyone that says they’re your friend really are. And if they are at that moment, they can turn at any time. Don’t trust anyone a secret that will destroy something or someone to ANYone, no matter what. Trust me on this.
Cherish your Mom, because you will not have her as long as other people get to have their Mothers. She will be a challenge in her last years, allow yourself to get angry, but don’t let it consume you or make you feel guilty. When she is gone, you will feel like the only thread that was holding you to the universe has been severed, and you’re drifting through space all alone. You are not alone. You have good friends who will do anything for you, and you have other family, even if you don’t see them much. Your life is what you make it, and if you obsess about what you don’t have, you’ll make it unbearable. Take some time to stop and enjoy something every day. Even if it’s as simple as a pet’s silly face, or the feel of your pillow when you don’t have to get out of bed. There ARE happy moments in every single day. Find them.
And, in closing, you don’t need to have the last word, your point of view is not important to anyone but you. You don’t need to explain how upset you are by something, to prove your point, to make someone else understand. It will only make everything worse, I promise. Take time before you act, a lot of time, and then think better of what it is you want to act upon. Trust me, you will thank me later. And, above all else, allow yourself to have the feelings you have and be the person you are, own it. Even the less than positive things. See them, understand them, work on them if they’re undesirable, but do not beat yourself up for them. And one last thing, YOU ARE NOT FAT, not by a longshot.
Dear 20 something year old Anna,
Be kind to yourself. Take time each day to love yourself. Know that you are beautiful exactly as you are. Don’t look to others to affirm this. This is something that you need to know from your core, always. And knowing this will give you the confidence to stride forward boldly, not as the strange, awkward, overbearing person that you think you are but the beautiful, unique and dynamic person that you are.
Take time to nuture your creativity. Draw something everyday. This will nourish you.
Stop taking life so seriously. Have fun, make spur of the moment decisions, be reckless, allow a whole lot of magic in, dream big and then follow those dreams. And don’t ever think that your dreams are not yours to be had. You have created them and so they are completely in your grasp.
When it comes to men… leave when they hit you, cherish the good ones while they last and maybe it’ll last forever. Just don’t worry that no-one will ever love you again.
There is a most precious and special man out there for you. Trust in that that and he will find you.
Be free to live.
Anna (33 years)
[...] perspective of herself. Because of my recent ups and downs, my mom sent me a link to a blog post by Cassie Boorn. Cassie asks older women to write letters to their younger selves, and the responses are inspiring, [...]
I am seriously late to this party! but here goes:
Dear 20-something Karen,
Don’t talk back to Mom so much. It comes out that way because you are so emotional but you have to stand your ground and do it in a calmer, more resolute fashion. Actually I would have you learn this much earlier in life. She does her best to protect you from ever being hurt or ever making a mistake. When you are in your late 30′s she still does this, though to lesser extent. You are going to regret fearing Mom’s litanies and never trying mountain climbing, not riding public transportation until you were in college, not taking up any of the Majors that really interested you because Mom and Dad dissuaded you from all of them. You really wish you had ignored them and pursued a degree in English or Biology or had enrolled pre-Veterinary Medicine.
Don’t drop out of college. It is a beautiful once in a lifetime world someplace between childhood and the Big World. You are going to make some lifelong friends here and develop some fierce confidence that you will soon lose. Don’t lose that confidence. Eighteen years later you still haven’t found it.
If you do drop out of college, don’t bail on the RN program. Sure there is a two-year waiting list and you will pick up more pre-reqs here, but 25 is really very young and at 36 you know that if you had stayed in the program, why you would have been an RN for several years now. Sure you love being an LPN, but now you know that in your field you do much of the same work for a significant amount less pay. Besides, you want that extra knowledge and the older you get, the harder it is to go back. Life gets in the way sometimes.
I want to tell you not to leave Jason, but that would mean sacrificing Maine and that was the best road trip of your life and an amazing four years you would repeat in a heartbeat. Besides, you are overjoyed with where he is in his life now. I will tell you this: realize you are being impulsive and DO NOT think he is breaking up with you and therefore break up with him. He is in fact about to visit and propose marriage. I don’t know where you would be today if you had let that happen, but the 36-year-old you wonders about your ‘one that got away’. You won’t know it until it is much too late, but you love him deeply and he knows you better than your husband ever will. You have never been that open with anyone, and as of age 36 you never have been again.
However, if you follow the same path all the way to 2006 (which is actually your early thirties) then don’t lie- tell him ‘Yes!’ when he asks if you left your fiance for him.
Enjoy your skin! The lines around your eyes and the beginning of laugh lines are going to come at 32, so much earlier than you ever imagined. On the flip side, you still don’t have any grey hair at age 36.
Love your figure! Your skin really does only get looser. Also enjoy your boobs. Apparently you and Jill picked up some bizarre shrinking-boob gene along the way.
Thank you for doing so many sit-ups, for starting to lift weights, for learning to work out in the living room, for teaching yourself to camp, for learning how to kayak, for leaning into your innate love of hiking. Add some squats to that workout routine because even your butt will one day start to drop.
Start wearing sunscreen now, every day, and maybe those crow’s feet will appear a tad later after all.
Stop biting your nails!
Go to the dentist. By the time you are 36 your teeth are a mess and you can’t afford the work you need to have because in 201o most dentists make you pay upfront even when you have insurance.
Also, you have an undiagnosed bilateral astigmatism. All that means is that your eyes focus things incorrectly. Remember Mom screaming at you to stop squinting at her? Remember all those customers who noticed you were squinting? When you go for you ME driver’s license in 2002, you fail the eye test. The astigmatism is very mild and improves with glasses- so much so that you don’t qualify for contact lenses.
One more thing- you will have been raped and kidnapped at 21. It throws your life off-kilter for quite a few years, but you will get back on track.
On June 17, 1997 you are going to meet someone who changes your life forever. Don’t change a thing about that day. But do get up to wait on the corner on the morning his convoy ships back out.
With love,
You.
[...] Reader Sharer (confusing, I know, are you still with me?) posted the project on her blog. I loved the idea, read a ton of fabulous letters, and then dismissed the possibility of writing a letter to my [...]
[...] so you can write what you think should be here….ALL WRITERS ARE WELCOME!!! This was a great writing exercise for me because I really had to think way back through what I have been through. These past 10 years have [...]
Awesome Idea-I am almost out of my 20′s so I wrote to myself 10 years younger. WHAT A great exercise!!!
http://www.cmcfamily.com/capemaymoms/2010/07/my-letter-to-my-20-something-self/
Hi Cassie!
You’ve started something amazing. :) Even those of us who aren’t 30 yet still want to participate! Here’s mine:
http://txtingmrdarcy.wordpress.com/2010/06/19/an-inspired-idea/
Best of luck to you!
Dear Dory:
Happy 20th birthday! This is from 25.5 year old you. I’m gonna write this letter as though we are different people, because in a matter of speaking, we are. There is some good advice in here that you should follow, but you probably won’t listen to it anyway, and the whole space-time continuum will remain undisturbed. We cool?
Firstly, you know what God has planned for our life. You already know that He will fulfill every promise He has made, as He is perfect like that. When you were 14, He told you that an orphanage in a little town in Mexico would be your “home away from Home.” You didn’t really get it, but you signed the contract with your soul as ink anyway. That was the best move of our life second to the one where you joined Team YHWH earlier, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Sooner or later, they will see why it was so, if they care to see that at all.
Even before 20/4/99, you have been living as though this could be your last year on Earth, yet trusting that God will get you to Mexico one of these days. Good call. But would you please stop nuking your bridges from orbit? Someday you are going to realize what those connections meant to you, and building a bridge is mighty difficult when you are dealing with radiation poisoning, and you can’t find everyone on the internet.
Let me clarify that one for you, though. Once you get closer to living in Mexico, you are going to pull apart from truly close loved ones, both of the friends and family categories. People you thought would totally be on board and supportive even of your loving of kids in Mexico are not going to be there for you, generally due to heavy doses of nationalism and racism that is poisoning them. Try to remember that as you were, they are being poisoned by a very old enemy that has been at the business of going against God before humans existed. It is not how the Creator of all nations made them to be. Anyway, you might have to leave these relationships for a spell, but leave all doors unhinged and bridges in place as much as possible, okay?
On relationships like that, the good news is that for every relationship you had to leave for your job, at least two or three have taken their place! And that is in just a few years! You know how God keeps His promises? Well, the one about replacing ten times over what His followers give up for the Kingdom is true. You will also find that your parents are going to support this weird calling in our life more than you could possibly understand. Always be grateful to them, and to God for giving you the best parents anyone could ever hope for.
Speaking of doors opening, here is another issue to deal with. In the next 5.5 years, you are going to have various friends and family come out of their closets. During that same time, a very vocal but extraordinarily small group calling themselves a church, but more like a cult, is going to say horrible, vile things about this group, and hide behind YHWH’s name and the First Amendment to do so. Trouble is, most Christians are going to want to defend the rights of the last group and deny the rights of the first, and the first is going to think you are among them. However unfortunate, this is the way humanity has (almost) always worked, but do remember to genuinely love all of them, no matter the cost, as Christ did. Advocate the human rights of all of them, as it is better to owe love than show hate.
Oh, and provided the whole space-time continuum didn’t get all torn up, at 25.5, you are single. Instead of moping around about it, keep calm and carry on. Turns out females go into your kind of work a lot more than males, and most guys start into it married anyway. Again, love all, but be ready to have an epic amount of love ready for someone crazy, I mean, awesome, enough to partner with you in this little dusty town. Whoever he is, he just might be missing out already, and you’ll have some lost time to make up with him.
Another couple things, Dory. Following Finding Nemo, you named your car “Squishy”, and it will live up to its name. Along with your driving altogether, bad idea. It’s just not your thing. Oh, and work more and harder, and save whatever money you do earn. You won’t even remember the stuff you’ll want to spend it on, and it will come in handy later.
Happy Birthday kid! Enjoy it, it just might be the last “normal” one you have. :)
Dory, version 25.5.
I’m Julia McClanahan, I’m a junior in highschool, I’m fifteen. I know you didn’t ask for this, but I thought I’d write a letter to older me. What you have created here is, truly, awe inspiring. Well, here goes, I guess.
Dear me,
I’m so young right now. So afraid. I guess time smoothes out the edges in people, and their troubles. Hopefully.
In case you’ve forgotten, you just barely managed to escape drug addiction. Thank god your drama teacher stepped in and made you break things off with Ian. Though you still love and care for him, and were completely in love with him for two years, he is a loser and has never deserved you.
I hope, even now, you follow your heart. And your gut. You’re stomach is always right, no matter what you think. And don’t be afraid. You’ve let fear keep you from rollercoasters, the dark, heights, spiders, and snakes so far. It was good to escape(most) of those, but don’t ever let shackles be put around you, because you’re scared of the unknown. That’s a weak way to live.
Don’t be too worried about love. Travel instead. Go to Italy, like we both want to right now, become an actress, see your face on screen. Travel to Greece, London, France. Grow into your skin.
You know, you will always have your steady flow of lvoe for people around you, even in your darkest days. God knows, I’m fifteen but I’ve already been torn apart completely. It gets better. Time really does heal. Or rather, friends do. But don’t ever let yourself forget that pain. It is the hurt that comes from following your heart into bad places. We all have them, dark patches in us. Don’t let yourself follow that path.
I hope you become all that we want you to be. All that you dream, hope to be. It’s a scary thought, thinking about not becoming wonderful. Don’t ever settle. don’t sell yourself short.
I love you, forever and always, I really do. Thank you for being me.
Love,
Jules
[...] A letter for Cassie’s collection [...]
[...] credit for this idea goes to Cassie Boorn. I was bored one day and surfed through linked websites, and ended up at Cassie Boorn’s [...]
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[...] year ago I landed a book agent because of a project that I had started on my blog. I have slowly been trying to figure out what my book might look like and wading through the many [...]
[...] an interesting series that drew national media attention. This is exactly what happened with my Twenty-Something Letter Project. I started a series that drew in more readers and as those readers began talking about my series [...]