It is so much better.
By
A few days a go I wrote a post about us moving.
When I wrote that post I wasn’t exactly sure what I was saying. I was only sure of how I felt. If my feelings could talk my writing could be poetry. But alas they cannot so they are not. I found this post today–My Throwaway Year. It was saying everything that I was feeling. Except that my throw away year was not planned it was simply lived. And let me tell you that the most un-planned year of my life has been the most exciting beautiful adventure I could have never imagined.
As often the un-planned turns out to be.
“I sign these oaths on the first day of the year, and I spend the next 364 holding my breath and waiting. I have, you see, an unhealthy attachment to right. The right job, the right man, the right project. I won’t make mistakes, I won’t waste my time, and I won’t be anyone’s fool.
My years tend to flounder. I spend my days waiting instead of chasing, holding out for a sign or a lottery ticket. I’m never sure what’s right, and I’m so afraid to be wrong. I’d ask a question, but I’d rather wait until I have the answer.
This year, I’m giving myself permission to be wrong.”
I did not give myself permission to be wrong this year. In fact, I never would have dreamed of doing so. I was simply told I was going to have to move. So, I found a new house. Which meant I was going to lose my job. So, I prayed for a new job.
I was in the middle of a storm and I could not see my out. My life was handed over the arms of fate. And if anyone knows me at all they know. I. like. control.
In a matter of weeks I went from living in this little duplex with painted walls and family portraits to a white walled one bedroom apartment in a questionable neighborhood. I went from knowing that my bills would be paid to praying that I could afford this place. I went from knowing what would happen the following day to not knowing at all.
My life was flipped upside down in a matter of weeks. Oh, how I resented the world.
Nine months later…
My apartment is not decorated the right way. My life is not going the right way. (and by right way I mean the way that I planned).
It is so much better.
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