Feeling the light

Each week Aiden goes to his fathers house. Each week I miss him.

The hardest part of being a single mother is the silence. The silence that fills the room when they are gone. It is awkward at first. Sometimes I am not sure what to do with myself. Where to sit. What to think about. I am out of place.

I wonder if he wonders what I do when he is gone.

Part of me hopes he does. Most of me hopes he doesn’t.

Regardless of how quiet it gets. How lonely the house seems. How hard it is to let go for those few days a week. You have to do it.

He has to see that his daddy can do amazing things too. He needs to feel love from all angles. So, I cope. I play loud music. I dance. I soak up the silence.

I work hard to feel the light.